July 7, 2011 by Crystal Tennille Irby
There are those who teach while they are learning/in the midst of a battle/change/ progress/heartbreak. They go through so we don’t have to. Those who not only teach you but inspire you/remind you that we can always find a new better way to live, that we have to be intentional about not just our life but our day. I love to learn and Thea Monyee has taught me so much about being and living out your being in mantra and in action and finding a way to hold yourself accountable to who you want to be. Starting today I’ve decided to be intentional about my life by setting a mantra each month. This month’s mantra is: TAKE CARE OF ME.
It was easier to stay focused on my intention when I was single. It was easy to balance selfishness and selflessness/easy to say no. No one needed or depended on my nurture, except me. The only life I worried about shaping was my own. As a wife and mother that’s a lot more difficult than I ever anticipated.
Then God tapped me on the shoulder and said “Remember why people love you. Take care of that person.”
I mean that not as a wife or mother but as a being who needs things just because I’m me and I need them. I don’t know if that makes sense but it’s the only words I have. Sometimes as a wife/ mother/woman/person of color our care is a byproduct of taking care of others, like, “I’m happy if my family’s happy”. And that’s just not true. There are so many people with happy, healthy, functioning families living locked on the inside. My happiness/my joy are mine and if it is dependent on someone else I will always be at their mercy. When I am healthy/ when I am at peace/ when I am writing/ when I am progressing/ when I am performing/ when I am with God, I am full of joy and I discover the path God has laid before me. I remember to have faith and just walk it. I discover my husband loves me without cause or consequence. I remember water has always brought me peace and clarity. It calms all this fire inside me. Long baths/ the ocean/ prayer/ words have always been things I wrapped myself in to keep me. They help me discover what I need and remind me to take care of myself. No one can take care of me like me. This isn’t about self love. It’s about self remembrance. This month I commit to prayer/water/words/silence/solitude/moments (deep or shallow) all and only about me. I commit to sowing a seed of care within myself.
Check Thea Monyee’s blog Butterfly Speaks at www.theamonyee.tumblr.com